A few reasons why WFH with kids is hard and what you can do about it

It’s been a tough year for parents. The pandemic has triggered the most rapid shift of work patterns in modern history. It hasn’t all been good news. Despite that, it’s unlikely everything will revert to “normal”. For some people, working from home has had positives, including getting more done than previously thought possible.

A desire to go back to work seems to be a common theme amongst our friends that have kids.

My personal experience

With 3 kids under 5 years old for most of the last year, it’s been hard to separate “work” and “life” at home. Kids at that age need pretty much constant interaction.

Having siblings close in age has made it easier as our two eldest have been keeping each other company most of the time. Being able to get outdoors easily (we live in the countryside) was also a massive blessing during the summer lockdown. It’s so much easier to keep kids busy outside than indoors (if anyone has seen anything good written on this please let me know!).

In this piece I’m going to summarise some of the challenges parents face when working from home with kids, and a few “hacks” we’ve found to be particularly helpful.

It’s hard to explain how it feels to work at home with young kids, but here are a few “highlights”

You’re living on edge

Kids tend to “forget” that their parents need to work (or they just don’t care 😭). When they need something, they’ll make that known. If you manage to settle them down, the smallest triggers (such as the phone ringing during nap time) can break the peace. It can be mentally exhausting!

You can’t switch off

This is particularly true with really young kids — you just can’t block them out totally. You need to keep an eye on what they’re up to.

You have to provide for them.. constantly

Kids are basically pretty much always hungry, thirsty or needing to go to the toilet. Lots of parents used to outsource some of their chores — this is harder now with social distancing requirements and reductions in household income. You’ll need to factor in time to prep and tidy up their meals before, during and after the working day.

There are the random “acts of God” ..

Pee on the kitchen floor. A broken glass. Water in your laptop keyboard. These are just a few of the ways your day can get totally derailed. You get the idea..

And the guilt of “educating” your kids

As schools, playgroups and community activities have reduced, kids are missing out on classroom and teaching time leaving parents to fill in the gaps. No amount of Khan Academy or Joe Wicks will keep them quiet like Peppa Pig.

What can you do?

None of these suggestions are guaranteed to work for everyone (or even anyone). But they’re worth considering and most of them can be tried for very little to no financial investment.

Define and stick to a routine

Whatever routine you decide to keep, try and stick to it. Children often respond well to structure and a predictable schedule. For example, this might include adjusting breakfast time to create space for an early morning work session, or preparing them to play outdoors at certain times of the day when you need them out the house. Any changes will be hard to maintain at first, but persist 💪🏼!

Get showered and dressed in the morning (you’re probably wondering if this needs to be said, but it does). Create a sense of routine to exercise ownership over your day. If you start out right, everything else will come easier.

Create boundaries

If possible, try and set aside some space (no matter how small) where you can create boundaries separating your work and parenting duties. Not everyone has a study. Some friends of ours repurposed empty space in their bedroom as a home office (they put a simple latch on the door too). Protecting your workspace from literal invasion will give you a sense of control.

Modify your schedule

If you’re in a two parent household, think about how you can share your duties on a schedule to create predictable blocks of work. Some folks go for a 50/50 approach where they cover a half day each. Others swap in and out for 1 to 2 hour blocks during the day. There are loads of ways you can cut this.

This can create some additional, unexpected problems. It could throw your schedule out of sync with your partner. You’ll need work harder to find quality, non-working personal time together.

Once you’ve redefined your working pattern, stick to it. If you have a healthy work culture, your colleagues might be more supportive than you think. Ultimately, the buck stops with you. Too many times in my career, I’ve made sacrifices in my family life when no one else was demanding them of me. It just too me a while to realise this.

Over communicate

Communicate expectations with your partner and your team members and discuss how they can help you stick to them. Consider blocking out time in your work calendar to bring visibility to your team. If you will be working late at night including responding to messages and email, consider letting your colleagues know you don’t expect a reply out of hours.

Music to your ears

This is one thing I wish I discovered earlier.

Pay particular attention to audio: a pair of good quality wireless headphones, a teleconference headset and a high-quality speaker

• Wireless headphones will help you multitask during the day, for example preparing meals whilst on group calls (something I do often — this might be a surprise to my colleagues reading this 😉)
• Wired teleconference headsets with an inline mute button can be a game changer when you need to quickly come on and off mute in conference calls — especially helpful when you have high levels of background noise. Zoom has a good feature when you’re on mute, where you hold your spacebar down to speak.
• A good quality speaker can help with background music to assist focus and drown out unwanted sounds 😌

Taking a different approach — when enjoying your kids feels like a cheat code

Rather than always fighting it, experiment with occasionally blocking work out to enjoy the company of your kids. When I find micro-moments to enjoy their company during the day, it feels like I’ve found a “cheat code” for the computer game of life.

Let me explain.

In my previous job, days could go by without me spending any meaningful time with my children. Now I can have breakfast with them every day, hug them whenever I want, and play games like “monsters” on demand (this is their favourite — when I chase them round the house or garden making monster sounds! 👻). Taking advantage of unexpected moments to connect with them will help restore a sense of control over your time.

Consider letting your kids get bored, or involve them in the plan

If you find you need to constantly entertain and engage your kids, try letting them get bored for a while and figuring out how to keep themselves busy (this won’t work for very young children). Consider involving them in household chores. Our three and five year olds love folding washing for some reason that is beyond me (!), and both love chopping mushrooms (with a butter knife!). Some kids respond really well when asked to do “boring” grown up chores. Many kids enjoy communal activities and can respond well to feeling helpful members of a community. You’re also empowering them to do things for themselves.

I hope you’ve found this useful. If you have any additional suggestions, I’d love to hear from you! You can find me on LinkedIn or Twitter.

Ciao!

Originally published at https://www.imranmahmud.com on November 26, 2020.